Category Archives: Comedy

The Spandau Ballet joke

So Tony Hadley likes to do a bit of gardening these days — he’s getting on a bit, the touring has taken its toll, and he enyoys growing fruit trees. He has a young apple tree that didn’t really take when he planted it last year and it needs some attention, so he goes to the garden centre to get some mulch.

When he gets there he picks up a couple of sacks at a decent price, but when he gets home and opens them up he finds that he’s been sold manure instead. Not what he needed at all.

So back to the garden centre he goes, and complains to the manager. The manager takes a look, crumbles it between his fingers, and says “Nah, I don’t think so mate, it seems right to me”.

And Tony Hadley says, “No, it’s manure, smell it!”

And the manager says “Mate, trust me: this is perfectly good mulch”.

And Tony Hadley says “Ah haha, ha ha. I know this, mulch is, poo.”

Church governance and cultural mismatch

About ten or twelve years ago, we used to go to a Baptist church (which, note well, indicates a very different denomination in the UK from what it is in the US). Unlike other churches we’d been members of, it had a rigidly democratic governance structure — something that had both pros and cons. Once a year, there would be a business meeting where members of the congregation would all come and hear proposals from the church leader and vote on them.

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Introducing Thief Cops!

One of the things I’ve been thinking of doing for a few years is starting a web-comic. A few weeks ago, lightning struck and I am now the co-writer of a new strip that I’m really enjoying: Thief Cops!

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“The Show” (Vineyard Community Church, Bermondsey, 21 July 1991)

This post will only be of interest to people who were at Vineyard Community Church, Bermondsey, London, in 1991. So the rest of you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about leaving now.

We put on a variety show on 21 July 1991. When I was cleaning out some old junk (which I do occasionally do) I found some of the paperwork. So I scanned it, and here it is for those half-dozen people who might care.

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Jerry Springer: The Opera: the review

Because of a cancelled flight, I have a very rare evening of solitude (sitting around in an airport hotel) with no immediate demands on my time. Being an enormous fan of Stewart Lee, I took the opportunity to watch Jerry Springer: The Opera, which he co-wrote the words for (along with composer Richard Thomas).

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Well, that was two hours wasted.

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Pear cider

My son Matthew went food-shopping with Fiona this morning (they’re off school for the Easter holiday) and he bought me a pear cider, on the assumption that it would be made from 100% pears. But when we checked the bottle, it turned out to be 3.5% alcohol by volume, so it must be at most 96.5% pears.

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On Stewart Lee and the art of stand-up comedy

In the last week or two, I’ve become obsessed by the comedy of Stewart Lee. He’s an English stand-up comedian, originally famous as half of the Lee and Herring duo in the 1990s, making Fist of Fun and This Morning With Richard Not Judy for television. His career has taken a lot of twists and turns since then, but in the last few years he’s emerged as a unique voice with a series of shows that don’t really resemble anything else I’ve seen.

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The four funniest words in the English language …

… are “Are you a sardine?”

Further bulletins will follow.