Make an omelette

I just had my lunch.  I made an omelette, which look ten minutes start to finish (I looked at the clock), and it was delicious.  I highly recommend it.

Here’s what to do.

  1. Put a plate in the microwave to warm up for two minutes.
  2. Fry a rasher of bacon together with a chopped mushroom.
  3. While that’s happening, break two eggs into a cup, add a dash of milk, plus salt, pepper and oregano.
  4. Put a slice of bread in the toaster.
  5. When the bacon and mushroom are cooked, move them onto the warm plate.
  6. Pour the egg mixture into the hot pan.  Let it look, occasionally moving the more cooked parts from the middle to the edges and letting the less cooked parts flow in to take their place.
  7. While it’s cooking, chop the bacon.
  8. Grate some cheese onto the nearly-cooked omelette, add the chopped bacon and mushroom, and fold it over.
  9. Slide it onto the plate, along with the slice of toast that popped up at just the right moment.  Butter the toast.
  10. Enjoy a cheap, healthy, delicious lunch!

Look at it this way.  What have you done in the last ten minutes?  How productive was it?  Wouldn’t it have been better if you’d used the time to make an omelette instead?

(My lunchtime today: ten minutes to make the omelette, ten minutes to eat it, and ten minutes to write this blog entry about it.)

13 responses to “Make an omelette

  1. Richard G. Whitbread

    ‘You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Oh, and we wish you well.’ (David Coverdale)

  2. Mine was a fish finger sandwich.
    It took longer and is much less healthy – but I still have a smile on my face (and a gut hanging over my belt)
    Tomorrow; Omelette FTW!

  3. “Only took 10 minutes”.

    But let’s read the instructions and find out what state the kitchen was in after it was done.

    The following things are now dirty and scattered all over the kitchen:

    – Plate
    – Frying pan
    – A sharp knife
    – A chopping board
    – A mug/cup
    – potentially a measuring jug as well
    – A fork, because you used it to stir the egg mixture
    – Another knife (I’ll never know why)
    – The Dreaded Cheese Grater
    – A fish slice
    – The butter knife you left by the toaster
    – The cutlery you ate with

    Also now out the cupboards and sitting around all over the sides with their lids off are the following:

    – selected herbs and spices
    – *at least* two different types of oil
    – pepper
    – salt
    – probably some Worcester sauce or something
    – a few other things you sniffed and decided against
    – the milk
    – The ketchup you’ll have had with it
    – The BBQ sauce you thought you might have with it
    – and I just know you won’t have put the butter back in the fridge

    10 minutes my arse.

    Bloody cooks.

  4. Oh, adamnfish, you are such a skeptic.

    The following things are now dirty and scattered all over the kitchen:
    – A sharp knife

    No; that was cleaned and put away as the omelette was cooking.

    – Plate
    – A mug/cup
    – The Dreaded Cheese Grater
    – A fish slice

    They all went straight into the dishwasher

    – A fork, because you used it to stir the egg mixture
    – Another knife (I’ll never know why)
    – The butter knife you left by the toaster
    – The cutlery you ate with

    No, just the knife and fork I ate with — the same knife I used to butter the toast and the same fork I used to mix the eggs. And of course they went into the dishwasher as soon as I’d finished eating.

    – potentially a measuring jug as well

    Nope — if you need to measure, you’re not cooking right!

    – A chopping board

    That was already in play; net additional mess: zero.

    – Frying pan

    That, I will give you. Just the frying pan.

    Also now out the cupboards and sitting around all over the sides with their lids off are the following:

    – selected herbs and spices
    – pepper
    – salt
    – the milk

    All put away as soon as they’d been used. Why wouldn’t you?

    – *at least* two different types of oil
    – probably some Worcester sauce or something
    – a few other things you sniffed and decided against
    – The BBQ sauce you thought you might have with it

    None of the above. Why would I need oil?

    – and I just know you won’t have put the butter back in the fridge

    We never keep butter in the fridge: that makes is impossible to spread. The only civilised way to keep butter is in a butter dish. Keeps it cool enough, even in summer, not to melt; but warm enough to spread.

    – The ketchup you’ll have had with it

    Please. To use ketchup on an omelette is a desecration.

    To summarise: the only detritus left over from my tasty lunch was the frying pan.

  5. With all due respect, I think I’ll keep keeping my butter the uncivilised way. Leaving butter outside the fridge regardless of the vessel it is in in Australia is asking for trouble.

  6. Ah, Jerry, this sort of cavalier treatment of butter is the reason that, despite your excellent oaked chardonnays and more than acdequate record in men’s tennis over the last couple of decades, Australia will never be taken seriously as a cultural centre.

  7. Maybe we should put our innovative minds to this problem and create an air-conditioned butter vessel.

    Somehow I feel decadent even thinking this thought.

  8. I know the picture you used here is not a picture of what you make for lunch but- I would call that burnt eggs and try again.

    I also love omelettes, but I think that you and I have very different ideas about what an omelette should be. I have a little black pan I make omelettes (and nothing else) in. I heat it to a very specific temperature, add a bit of butter, and wait for the froth to subside. Then I pour the eggs (three at the most, with a drop of water beaten into them, gently) into it, take the handle in my left hand, and a fork in my right.

    I shake the pan back and forth over the flame while making circles in the egg with the back of the fork. When the eggs start to slip around as one mass I put down the fork, switch the handle of the pan to my right hand (because my left is clumsy) and give the pan a jerk that makes the egg ride onto the lip of the pan and fold over on itself. Then I put the lip of the pan on the plate so that the omelette rolls over on itself again and falls onto the plate. I finish it with a bit of butter, and either serve it, or put it in a warm oven if I want to serve a few people at once.

    What you describe sounds good- I suppose it could be called an English omelette. I might have something like what you describe as dinner if I could find a wine to go with it, but I’ve never figured out how to pair wine with eggs.

  9. The omelet certainly sounds good, but calling a dish that has in it fried bacon, eggs and cheese, healthy is somewhat incorrect in my opinion.

    I still want one for lunch though :)

  10. Yes, I wish now that I had taken the time to photograph my own omelette. However, I did not (and anyway, doing to would have pushed me past the ten-minute mark). Actually both of our frying pans are now in a truly terrible state, I must get a new one. Tagore, your omelette sounds good too, but hardly the same art-form as mine. I quite like your designation “English omelette” … even if it’s intended as a term of abuse :-)

    Kristo, I take your point regarding the healthiness of this meal. It certainly doesn’t lack for protein, but could be better on cholesterol, roughage and vitamins!

  11. One can write books about how to make a perfect omelette, and in fact that is probably done already. One word about ketchup: ever seen the japanese movie Tampopo? I never have seen somebody bake a more perfect omelette, and it is served with… ketchup. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-GFimGcYJw

  12. No doubt books could indeed be written, and have been, about the “best” or “right” was to make an omelette. But my goal here is more modest — to provoke people who aren’t making them at all to change that! It’s only of those tiny quality-of-life things that mount up and make a big difference in the end.

    That said, I don’t think I will be eating an omurice any time soon.

  13. Mike, I can relate fully to small small things contributing to the quality of life, so today I learned our son (18) how to make cheese omelette, and indeed he seems to realize that there is life beyond the fat fried egg… (and there are indeed more uses for the energy drink shaker other then tossing some chemicals with milk).

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